My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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