I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
