Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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