I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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