youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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