So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
