Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
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Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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