I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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