Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
