I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
