Kiss
Puke
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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