Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You ate ashes out of my bong
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
