I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
