Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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