guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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