...so i touched it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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