i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
