The maid of honor just puked.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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