Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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