you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
