Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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