My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
