I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
