I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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