yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
