She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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