Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
