im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
