just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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