I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
