can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
