my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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