So drunk its hurt
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
