I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
