i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
