If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
