Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
