Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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