i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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