Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
