New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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