Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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