u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
