Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
