quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
