we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
