I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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