Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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