i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
