I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
