dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
my poor anus
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
