My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My ATM looks so different sober.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
