that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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