We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
