we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
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some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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