bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
