So drunk its hurt
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
