That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
