shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
All the doctor said was why
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
