She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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