so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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