I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
