I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
